Recovery

Thank you to all who have commented on my post HEEELLLLLPPPP and to answer questions I have a doctor' s appointment tomorrow ( May 1st) with a new family doctor and I start thearpy Monday the 5th with a psychologist to start the road to recovery. In college I got baptized at Centenary United Methodist Church and I attend church whenever I manage to get a Sunday off from work ( which isn't to often). I also wanted to mention that my stories may get random and seem to jump around some on my age. I will write them as I remember them the best that I can. I will basically go into more detail than I did with the 4 part series I did on my mom. I kept that as neutral as I could but I feel I have to let out the truth and put it into writing for my own mental health to heal. So here goes.




I am able to get therapy for next to nothing because of the mental, emotional and physical abuse from my mother. I want to start with the one incident of physical abuse. I was on Indiana State University campus for Upward Bound ( a program to help kids with homework and to look for colleges) for 6 weeks. My mom had a court date that day with my dad either for their divorce or child support. She took a friend with her and she cut through the dorms parking lot and seen me take a drag of a cigarette. I didn't see her till she barrelled out of the car towards me and grabbed my arm & made me take her to my counselers for the program. I managed to get away and headed towards my dorm room. I had an awful feeling this was going to be real bad and so I punched a metal doorway frame and hurt my right hand so I wouldn't hit her and to release my fear and anger at that moment. She got to my room with her friend & my counslers were not far behind. Someone had called campus police at some point. WHat I remember her saying was to pack my clothes and I said no I want to stay. Next thing I know is I'm on the bed in a fetal position with my arms around my head and feeling a punch to the back of my head and 3 or 4 more down the spine of my back. Her friend just sat there and did nothing the counselers made it to the room by the last hit. The campus police also showed up at the same time and escorted me into the hallway. I gave my report and they took her report. She was finally escorted out the building and told to leave and that she would be hearing from Welfare. I was taken to the on campus medical office for the report of the marks and for x-rays of my hand. Eventually we had a family member as a go between to talk till we had to go to counseling together. I finally reliaze that because of her anger at my father that day in court she took it out on me. She usually did. I need to end this one here but more is come in this recovery series of mine.

HEEELLLPPPPP!!!!!!

If you all don't mind I would like to take you on a journey into my life or my mind if you will. I have battled depression off & on for years. The past few years and especially the last few months have been the worst. I'm not sure I can get a doctor to really listen to me so I am doing my own research into the subject. I want to know what kind of depression I have so it can be treated properly, I want to know if I inherited it from my mother. I have so many questions and I treated as a guinea pig. I'm tired of being fatigued, I'm tired of not being who I really am ( at this stage I'm not sure I know anymore who I am). All I need my blogging buddies is understanding, prayers, and ears to listen. See If you notice a pattern in my stories. I'm desperate for help, I want to beat this and most of all I don't want to end up exactly like my mother ( a psychotic, neurotic drug dependent mess that accidentally overdoses). I need to let the truth out about my childhood to others. I need to let go and get control of my life. My fear right now is that I will lose any of my readers to this blog. I love you all dearly and I don't want to depress anyone else. I just want my life back and to do that I think I need to talk this out with others outside my direct circle. I will start my first story tomorrow, All I ask for is prayers and patience. I need to learn to forgive a mother who almost destroyed me at one time. IT'S MY TIME TO FIGHT AND THE BATTLE HAS BEGUN I WILL NOT LOSE THIS BATTLE NO MATTER WHAT!!!!!!!

I'm lost,

I've gone to look for myself,

so if I get back before I return,

Please ask me to wait.

Power Color

Your Power Color Is Red-Orange

At Your Highest: You are warm, sensitive, and focused on your personal growth. At Your Lowest: You become defensive and critical if you feel attacked. In Love: You are loyal - but you demand the respect you deserve. How You're Attractive: You are very affectionate and inspire trust. Your Eternal Question: "Am I Respected?"

What's Your Power Color?

Wordless Wednesday

My three year old took this picture of herself.

Be on alert, new scam

Police say that the gang usually is comprised of four members, one adult and three younger ones. While the three younger ones, all appearing sweet and innocent, divert their 'mark' (or intended target) with a show of friendliness , the fourth -- the eldest -- sneaks in from behind the person's back to expertly rifle through his or her pocket or purse for any valuables. Be on the alert!! Scroll down to see a photo from a recent attack that was captured on film...

Save the Earth ---recycle, reduce, reuse

I decided to do a post for EARTH DAY! I'm not the poster child for recycling but I have been slowly making some changes.

So I wanted to give a few facts that you may not know or already know but I believe it doesn't hurt to repeat.

1.) If you switch your light bulbs to squiggly bulbs as I like to put it you can save around $47.00 in energy because they use less energy and they last up to 10 times longer.

*In a Wal~Mart flyer it is quoted

"YOU x 200 million = one squiggly bulb from each person, over the rated life of the bulb we would prevent enough CO2 emissions to equal taking over 11 million cars off the road for a year."

2.) Natural Cleaners

Natural cleaners like Green Works and Simplicity dish soap are safer for the environment because they don't use harsh petroleum based products

* In a Wal~Mart flyer it quoted

"YOU x 200 million = If everyone purchased a bottle, we could eliminate the production of 2.5 million gallons of petroleum-based solvents"

These facts are from http://members.aol.com/Ramola15/funfacts.html check it out to get even more facts.

* More than 20,000,000 Hershey's Kisses are wrapped each day, using 133 square miles of tinfoil. All that foil is recyclable, but not many people realize it.

* Every week about 20 species of plants and animals become extinct!

* McDonald's saves 68,000,000 pounds of packaging per year just by pumping soft drink syrup directly from the delivery truck into tanks in the restaurant, instead of shipping the syrup in cardboard boxes!

* The largest environmental organization in the world is the National Wildlife Federation. It has 5,600,000 members!

* Rainforests are being cut down at the rate of 100 acres per minute!

* One-third of the water used in most homes is flushed down the toilet.

* A single quart of motor oil, if disposed of improperly, can contaminate up to 2,000,000 gallons of fresh water.

* You can walk 1 mile along an average highway in the United States and see about 1,457 pieces of litter.

* The Washington, DC-based Institute For Local Self-Reliance calculates that recycling creates 36 jobs per 10,000 tons of material recycled compared to 6 jobs for every 10,000 of tons brought to traditional disposal facilities.

* A typical family consumes 182 gallons of pop, 29 gallons of juice, 104 gallons of milk, and 26 gallons of bottled water a year. That's a lot of containers -- make sure they're recycled!

Ok everybody let's ban together and choose at least a couple of things to do to save our home EARTH! We can't live without it!