Dedicated to My Mom Part 4

Dedicated to My Mother

Part 4: The Finale

I'm going to start this one on as positive a note I can. I remember that mom & I would get into music wars. I didn't like her country music and she wasn't to crazy about my music and she would turn hers up to hear over mine and I would do the same, then we would compromise and listen to her oldies music so we would quit driving the neighbors nuts.

When I turned 16, she sent me 4 roses to school on my birthday. A white rose, a yellow rose, a pink rose and a yellow rose. On the card she had wrote that each of the roses represented 4 years of my life up to age 16. My junior year in High school she got my boyfriend (now my hubby) and 2 of my other friends to keep me distracted and to make sure I didn't leave the cafeteria because she sent a Gorilla to school with a rose and song for my birthday. (I was so embarrassed).

When I turned 18 she remarried my dad on my birthday. She asked me to stand up with her and I did against my better judgement. She truly thought that I wanted them back together when I didn't. I told I would but I didn't agree with it. She asked me why and I told her because when you two re together I get the brunt end of it when you fight. 6 months later I told her I told you so. They were divorced within the year.

Mom would get all excited when I had my high school dances, I think she was more excited than I was and during this time I'm trying to be a normal teenager why she was fighting with dad all the time.

I became anorexic for 2 years because of her. Not realizing it she would always say I was skinner than that at your age. Well eventually I did get skinner. In college I finally snapped out of it, but it took me forever to get her to understand. I had to tell her over and over again that because of that statement I decided to get skinnier and that it briefly put her attention on me and not my dad.
The pictures of me is at my worst with the anorexia. She did finally try to tell me that she never meant for me to take that statement the way I did. She did finally apologize years later.

I finally moved out and got married and got pregnant. My mom and I wasn't talking at the time because I found out she had taken my credit cards and maxed them out. (grandma had them locked up in a safe till I paid them off, mom knew the combination) and she basically ruined my credit. Mom wasn't at my wedding (dad was) and that hurt her but I was so pissed at what she did to me I didn't care at the time. When I got pregnant with my son after I had him she kept making comments about me losing the weight I gained with him and my mother-in-law got pissed. For the longest time I believe she thought my family was hers in the sense of my hubby hers, my son hers etc.. , she was trying to relive her life through me. Which led to a lot of fights.

I ended up shielding my son from her and we would go 1 to 2 years at a time not talking and her sending me letters saying that she hated me , I would be sorry for what I did to her, she is no longer my mother, and she was going to kill herself. I would just send the cops to her house. She always liked to make the threats and I got immune to them and told her I'm done with her pity parties and I'm not going to let her hurt my son like she did me.

Needless to say I finally got pregnant with my daughter and we finally started talking again. We worked out a lot of things but not all. She was at the hospital for both of my kids' birth. She had told me once during this time that I helped her grow up by being stronger than her and standing up to her and thanked me for doing that. She was there at times I would need her at the end. When sis got a fever and had to stay in the hospital overnight she stayed with me. every time I had to go to Indianapolis to Riley Hospital with my son would go. We really seemed to have finally met at the middle to get along.

This picture is the last picture taken of her. Taken Oct. 14, 2004. The day I had my daughter.

On February 17, 2005 I got a call from my Uncle Max (her brother) asking if I had talked to her. Then another family friend called and asked the same thing. I called her house to check on her and got no answer. We had went bowling to practice for our league and still hadn't heard anything back from her (which was unusual). I left my hubby and daughter at home and my son went with me to her house to check on her. We finally got someone to let us in (an apt complex) and we had to get maintenance to let us in her apartment. I was hoping for a diabetic coma at the least but I found her dead I knew as soon as I touched her body by how stiff and cold she was. (She was only 53). Her neighbors kept Gage in the hall and I called 911 to report it and the maintenance guy had to finish the call for me. I called Randy and both of us called others to tell them and after all of the excitement and paperwork I finally went home. Dad following me. He was there as soon as we got a hold of him. She had to have an autopsy done and it took forever to get the results and I had never had to deal with something so hard in my life. Thank God for my family and my friends. Without everyone supporting me I never would have made it. We finally had her services and got rid of her ashes like she asked. We finally got the autopsy report back and it was labeled an accidental overdose, along with 4 other contributing factors. Her heart was extremely bad and so was her thyroid and water on the lungs.

I know deep down that she is finally free and happy and that she isn't hurting anymore and I'm so glad for her, but that doesn't stop the pain or the nightmares of seeing her in my sleep dead.

This is the hardest thing I will ever truly write minus the fact that 1 year and 7 1/2 months later I found my dad dead in his sleep also. I do however feel that this is helping and thank you all for going down memory lane with me.

GOD SPEED MOM & DAD I LOVE & MISS YOU VERY MUCH!!!!