Dear Dad, I remember when...

Dear Dad,
You have been gone for 2 years today and I miss you so much. Deep down I know you are still with me but I miss our conversations and your advice. I know you would kick my butt for some of the decisions I have made and for still holding on to my grief for you. This is my way of letting it all out so I can cope better. I know you wouldn't want me to be this way but I have such a difficult time getting the picture of you laying dead in bed. I know you are at peace and I'm glad you died peacefully and with a massive heart attack like your brother.
We had our times when I was a teenager when we didn't talk and I know mom had a lot to with that. I also remember you coming home drunk one time and you put your hand through the back door window to get in and you stumbled into walls and mom and you were fighting so bad. I remember mom calling the cops and when they got there you almost hit one. I remember being so scared of you that night. I had never seen you like that before. When the cops took you away you didn't get to come home for 2 weeks because you was put in rehab, which helped out a lot.
I remember watching wrestling with you on TV and laughing at you because you would move like you were helping the wrestlers out. I remember play wrestling with you and laughing because you would tickle me to submit or you would let me win. I remember when you help coach me bowling even as an adult. I remember when you would play catch with me in the backyard when I played softball briefly. I remember when you killed that opossum under the carport with a shotgun and how loud that was.
I remember going to your friends houses for you to play cards and I would annoy all of you or just play. I remember when I finally moved out of mom's and we got to sit down and talk abut the divorce you had with mom and we got to get out everything. The was the best conversation we ever had, because that conversation made us closer than ever. I remember you teaching me how to tune up my old 1979 Plymouth Duster. I remember how you proudly gave me to Randy on my wedding day which happen to be your 50Th birthday also.
I remember how Cathy helped me track you down at the American Legion so I could tell you that I just found mom dead. I couldn't believe how quick you got to her apartment and just hugged me so tight. You stayed by me every step of the way. You always listened when I needed to just talk and if something needed fix you would try your best to fix it. You were the best brake man I knew. You could fix brakes on cars with little effort. There is so much more I remember but I think I'll stop here for now. I'm proud to be your daughter and I feel lucky to have you as a dad. I miss you so very much and I love you with all my heart. God Speed Dad. I'll see you again someday.
Your Daughter,
Michelle

24 handbags in 24 hours

As I was viewing blogs today I read a blog by Ivan Girl of Dear Me. It was for a site launching on October 15, 2008 called Handbagplanet.com . They are going to give away 24 handbags in 24 hours on the day of their lauch. No catch, no shipping & handling. I signed up and chose to win this handbag

If you are interested in winning a handbag just go to the site and sign up it's really easy handbagplanet.com. Just click on my link and go.

My First Bloggerversary!

Today is a special day for me I have been blogging for one year. I signed up in August of last year but I didn't post till this time last year. I really enjoy having my blog and all the new friends I have made on it. I found out about blog from my friend Sindi. At first I wasn't really sure how I wanted to do my blog or what to talk about but I guess I figured that one out. LOL!

I wanted everyone to know that I really cherish all the friends I have made on here and I hope that continues to grow.

I changed my playlist on my page to all new music some of it is the same but I wanted a change. The first 3 songs playing on it right now are 3 of the songs my hubby Randy and I chose for my dad's funeral service. "Blaze of Glory" by Bon Jovi we chose because we thought it summed up my dad in how he thought and acted, "Butterfly Kisses" by Bob Carlyle I chose because I had wrote out the lyrics to the song for him with a drawing of a butterfly for him to have a few years ago. I felt that this song summed up my relationship with him. "Cat's in the Cradle" by Harry Chapin was chosen because of his relationship with his other 3 kids. I hope you enjoy the songs. I have them playing right now because I am trying to finish the grieving process of losing him and because his anniversary of his death is this coming Monday. I have putting together a scrapbook to help me out in this process but I plan on posting about him around that day to help me work through my emotions. My dad will be gone 2 years.

To end this post I want to share a picture I recieved in email one day.

I just loved this picture.


I edited the picture with my dad in it. I hope you like it.

GOD SPEED DAD! I MISS YOU SO MUCH! I LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART!

What a fool I was.....

Where to start, over the last month I made a lot of horrible decisons that I am trying to fix now. First I lied to my hubby about several things which I normally wouldn't have done. First I lies to him about a lot of my finances. Instead of asking for help or guidance, I kept it from him. I would tell him I paid something for example my credit cards, when I didn't. I also flirted online with 4 guys and sent them wrong pics (ones that should have been between him & I only) to these guys. I was acting as someone I didn't even recognize and I did it all behind his back. Now Randy and I are slowly working things out and I'm slowly getting back to my old self. I have apologized over & over again and we have been talking things out. everything is out in the open now so we can work things out. and God Bless friends like Sindi ,Life is a Rollercoaster. She has listened to Randy and I at seperate times from each other and has helped the best she can. Sindi has done this in a neutral way and I can't begin to explain what her friendship means to me and what a blessing she is to have around. I absolutly love my hubby and I dislike the way I treated him. I hope someday to be forgiven for my mistakes by him and by the Lord. I feel so blessed to have him and my family and friends. I really missed having my conversations with you all. Here soon is my dad's D-Day as I like to call it and I'm trying to put together a tribute to him for that day.

To end this on a good note I got a new job today. I go to orientation Monday for the new job. I will work 6 am to 6pm at Sony (DADC). 4 on 4 off. and I'll be making only 20cents less than I did at the EBBS. Love to all. God Bless!

What's been going on.....

Well where do I start, a lot has been going with me lately and not all of it good. My emotions are still up in a whirlwind but i think I am strating to get control somewhat. I guess I'll start with my job situation. I quit the E.B.B.S (evil big box store) otherwise known as Wal~Mart. I pointed out and was given the choice to choose between my job and my family, as you can tell I chose my family. I didn't work for 3 weeks but I got a part time job through a temp. service on our local college campus in the commons at Einstein Brothers Bagels. I miss the pay but the stress is gone in a sense that I don't stress out because of my job now I stress out over the bills. My hubby is trying to pay all the bills and I'm trying to do what I can but I need a better job. I feel so guilty over this because I caused a lot of financial trouble with my credit cards and paying bills late and other things like that. I got stupid with the finances on my part because of my grieving over my parents and I made several bad decisons, and now I'm trying to fix it.

Also over the last 2 weeks started going back to church. I still struggle with my faith but I hope to get back on the right path. I attend Centenary United Methodist Church. I was amazed at how long I didn't go that I was welcomed as if I never left. (it's been approx. 1 year since I attended). I did notice that while at the church service I felt a peace that i hadn't felt in a long time. Maybe I do need to go and maybe I will find my way back from all the pain over the last few years. Here are photos of the inside of the church I attend .

Finally for this post my son Gage started playing for the 6th grade football team. He is number 53. He plays wide reciever and tight end. Here are pics of him and his team .

BAAAACCCKKKK!!!!

Hey all I finally got back online and I will update you all on whats been happening soon. Love to you all!