Happy Veteran's Day

I have a lot of family that was in the military. I think the family has covered all branches but the Marines. Below are some pictures of my family that served including my dad. There are countless others. I have deep respect for all veteran's and I want to thank you all for everything you have done to serve our country. God Bless You all.

My Hubby Randy

As some of you know Randy of The Way I See It is my husband of the last 14 years. We have 2 beautiful and intelligent children together. I met Randy in high school my junior year and he was a sophomore. We had a few friends in common and that is how we met. we would sit together in the cafeteria on lunch and eventually he had a friend ask me out. We dated off on through school. When we wasn't dating we were real good, close friends. I graduated in 1992 and went on to college (which I didn't finish) and we eventually lost touch. One day my mom came home from working at a local nursing home and told me that Randy was working there as a CNA (Certified Nursing Aide). We started talking again and one night we ran into each other at a festival. We hung out and I helped him put an ear ring in his ear. The next thing I know we were back together and a month and a half later we were married. Several people didn't think we would make it together but I believe we have proved them wrong. We have been through a lot in our marriage and we have alway's survived and persevered.

What attracted me to him to begin with is his way to make me laugh either by impersionations, or just something silly right off the top of his head. He also has a big heart. He is a great provider and a great husband and father. Both of us have our stubborn moments but then again who doesn't. I'm so glad we crossed pathes because I truly believe that he is my soul mate. I love you very much Randy with my whole heart and soul. Thank you so much for staying beside me through everything. You are the greatest and I apologize for hurting you and I never meant to do it.

I Voted

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My Healing Begins

I have been depressed and angry inside for so long that I feel like I don't know who I am anymore. I started going to counseling a few monthes ago and it is helping. I have made so many bad decisions over the past couple of years that I normally wouldn't make. I'm starting to reliaze that I am human and I will make mistakes which is fine as laong as you learn from those mistakes so you don't repeat it. In counseling I am also learning that I have kept running from my troubled past instead of coping with it. Now I'm facing it head on and it hurts like hell but I need and want to do this so I don't end up like my mother in the sence of never dealing with my troubles and letting them take control. I want to beat this and I will beat this but to do it I need to face it all and quit holding back my feelings. I know I will never forget but I can work to forgive my parents and myself and I feel to do that I need to post what is is going on in my head and I will share it all with you. I don't want sympathy I just need to get this stuff out so I can heal and be a better person especially to my family.

In this post as well as future posts I will talk about my childhood the good and the bad. I'm going to try not to hold back and keep it neutral I will let out all that I feel so that the healing can begin. Well here goes, I will have to do this as the memories come bear with me.

One of the first things I remember is my mom telling me that my grandmother (her mom), wanted her to abort me. My dad and her told her no way, then again my grandmother also wanted to abort my mother. No wonder my mom felt so unloved. Needless to say I was born.

(Pics of me as a baby)

I had a fairly decent childhood, but a lot of chaos also. I played softball briefly and I bowled every Saturday for approx. 8 years. I was also a Girl Scout. Behind closed doors though I was listening to fighting between my parents constantly. My mom would accuse my dad of messing around on her, get on him for his drinking and so on. Dad would get on mom for spending way to much money (I ended up with this habit, which I am learning is a learned behavior I need to fix), for accusing him of stuff he wasn't doing, you name it I probably heasrd it. As I have gotten older I'm figuring out that my mom did what she accused him of. She messed around on him and he finally did mess around on her because he was accused of it for so long. Both of them were alcoholics and my mom was dependent on medicine which she did get addicted too. Eventually they did divorce and my true hell began. My mom had this thing about her that she had to get revenge on him for leaving her. If she got angry at dad for some reason she would take it out on me.

In my mom's world she was never wrong and nothing was ever her fault. She was the one that was wronged or hurt by other's. Now granted she grew up in a broken home also and she wasn't wanted by her own mother. She was abused physically, emotionally and mentally and this would have lead to the behavior she later exhibited but isn't an excuse for her to mentally and emotionally (One incident of physical abuse also) abuse me.

My mom would drag me out in the middle of night to look in bars for my dad at times having me look through the windows. If she seen him out she would chase after him cussing him out. She would accuse me of being him all the time if I didn't do something she agreed with. I was a no good piece of shit just like him (especially if I stood up to her). Some days I would go to school exhausted listening to them argue over stupid stuff or they would call my aunt and uncle to come pick me up to spend the night with them because of the arguing. There was never calm communication between them just fighting.

I remember one time I was dropped off by my aunt from bowling and my half sister Tanya met me outside and took me across the alley to a friend's house because mom & dad were physically fighting. My sister told me that they almost hit my niece and her. I was so scared and I didn't know what to think. When dad finally left for the day mom had to be taken to the hospital because he busted her eardrum. Needless to say dad was drunk as hell. It's no wonder I don't drink and that I hate alcohol for the most part. I have seen what it can do to a family. The older I got the my mom would have me fix her drinks for her. Now don't me wrong I will have an occasional drink but I never even been buzzed. I have seen my dad try to hit my mom while drunk on more than one occasion, have seen him try to hit a cop while drunk, heard and seen him stumble into the house, fall into the bathtub, lose his dentures in the toilet, ect... , I have seen my mom stumble, listened to the slurred speech, start fights, and had 3 relatives die on New Year's day several years ago because of alcohol. I just can't stand it.

Well that's all I can handle right now so I am going to end here. Thanks to all of you for listening and I will get positive posts done also.

Looking for answers

In my Sunday school class we are studying from a book by Gary Poole "How Does Anyone Know God Exists?"



I find this an interesting subject because I have always been in search of my faith especially as of late. I am finding my faith but I think this is a touchy subject especially with all the different religions out there. You have science and religion, athesist,pantheisic, polytheistic and etc.. points of view.



Questions asked in the book are "Is anyone out there?"

"How can rational people believe in miracles?"

" What is God really like?" and more. This book draws on all points of view and you ultimately make the decsion for yourself. It should be an interesting discussion. In a previous post I put some pictures of the inside of the church I attend "What's been going on" I finally got a picture of the outside of the church.


I attend Centenary United Methodist . Since attending the church again here recently I have felt different, it's hard for me to explain but trying to overcome my depression it is helping as well as talking to a counseler, my loving and forgiving hubby Randy (The Way I See It), and all of my friends. Hopefully I will beat the depression and find my faith in everything else. Have a great one everybody.